The Log Blog

We all do it. Let's start talking about it.

Tag: science

Fluctuation in E Flat

“Beans, Beans the Musical Fruit, the more you eat the more you toot!”

Every good saxophonist knows how important it is to use the diaphragm. The amazing sounds that Kenny G or Joe Henderson are able to produce are all supported by a muscle much lower than the mouth and lungs. My band directors all instructed me to breathe low and deep in the gut, then push the sound out gradually in a controlled manner. As my skill on the saxophone increased, so did my ability to control my diaphragm to help me produce the sounds and tone that I wanted.

After a long day at school, I had several items that I had to take care of on my agenda. I had to practice my saxophone and I had to poop. I decided to practice first and poop second, naturally leaving the best for last. However, as I began to practice using my diaphragm the movement in my bowels made the urge to poop greater. I fought the urge for a bit, but soon it was too strong. As I began to remove my saxophone from my neck strap to go use the bathroom, my jr. high mind began connecting some dots. Muscles that I used to play the saxophone and muscles that I used to push the poop out were in the same general area. Could the practice of one be used to assist the other?

I immediately sprang into action to try my experiment. Thinking back, it is a strange thing indeed to picture myself walking into a bathroom carrying a stand, some music, and a saxophone. Getting situated took some extra effort. I had to juggle the pant removal and saxophone and stand adjusting, but I soon settled in. I proceeded to attempt practicing both instruments. I’m sure that I sounded like a crazy person as sounds of a saxophone, a person pooping, and laughter at the ridiculousness of the situation floated through the bathroom door. Unfortunately, however, the musical partnership of saxophone and poop was not meant to be. It was much too hard to coordinate the two similar, but opposing bodily functions. Eventually, I gave up and finished my bathroom business with my saxophone dejectedly placed on the floor. The experiment had failed, but I was still proud of my attempt. I knew that in the musical world I could hold my head up high because I knew that I had taken my instrument to a level few saxophonists have dared to go.

-Jane Pooptrane


Poop Splash Elimination – Smarter Every Day


Physics of a Good Poop

All of us have enjoyed poops in the comfort of our or other people’s homes. But some of us are a little bit more adventurous. We have all heard tales of crazy people who like to take dumps in strange or exciting places. Whether it’s on a hike in the woods, in the ocean, or even while skydiving; adventurous people will find a way to build a log cabin. This got me thinking: what are the physics involved to a good poop? We could all benefit from advanced knowledge of this phenomenon. We all do it, after all. It could help to improve our poopsperience all around.

Let’s begin with the basic science. It is most commonly held that it takes about 6 different groups of muscles to poop: the rectal smooth muscle, internal sphincter, external sphincter, expletory thoracic muscles, diaphragm, and abdominal muscles (the last three are breathing muscles that are involved in what is known as the Valsalva maneuver).

It is impossible to lay down a generic figure on how much effort it takes to poop. This depends on three things: composition of the stool, position of the body during the poop, and atmospheric conditions. The atmospheric conditions have the least affect, but they still must be considered. Of the atmospheric conditions, humidity and relative atmospheric pressure have the largest effect on the ease of a poop. Higher humidity allows for the poop to slide out easier. Higher atmospheric pressure causes body organs to swell slightly and for it to be more difficult to pinch one off. However, low atmospheric conditions are usually indicative of storms, and this causes the body to tense up, so in reality, the two are more than likely be at equilibrium with each other. Body position has been a hot item as of late. Whether one should sit or squat is on the mind of all serious health “nuts”. In the eastern parts of the world, it is common to squat, while in the western parts of the world, sitting is the accepted way to do your business.

Sitting provides a sharper angle and simply makes it more difficult to poop. There are many health problems associated with sitting when one poops. These can include constipation, hemorrhoids, colon disease, urinary infections, and pelvic issues.

Physics is a field of science concerned with learning about the physical universe and using that knowledge to create machines and devices that are more efficient and require less maintenance. From a physics standpoint, it is much more efficient on the body to squat while pooping. If you can break the modern culture, I would suggest doing so to become a healthier person.

-Dr. Erwin Schrödingleberry