“That is part of the beauty of all literature. You discover that your longings are universal longings, that you’re not lonely and isolated from anyone. You belong.”
― F. Scott Fitzgerald
When we poop, we experience this true sense of belonging described by Fitzgerald. Every poop is a little piece of literature. Each time you sit down on the toilet to excrete fecal matter, you are telling a story. Some poops are poems, brief and beautiful. Some poops are novels, a series of events coming together in one glorious finished project. Some poops are chronicles that can last for days, telling a story of adventure and excitement. In pooping and discussing poop with others, we discover that our longings are truly universal. Our experiences on the toilet can bring us together and remind us that we are not alone. Next time you sit down to down to poop, take a moment to reflect on how intrinsically connected you are with humanity in that moment.
You’ll probably want to start at 4:35, that’s where things get interesting.
This story is not about the actual poop. Though it was glorious, this story is about the experience. After a long day at a swim meet, I decided I would “claim my throne”. It was time to poop. I walk into the Men’s restroom and there is a father and his 7 year old son washing their hands for what seemed an eternity. As they did that, I tried to get into one of the stalls; however, both of them were locked. I look underneath the stalls to check if they were actually occupied. They were both empty. I thought to myself, “This is a bunch of crap”. (pun intended). Then the little kid looks at me and says that he crawled underneath them and locked them. The little weirdo decides to go unlock the stall for me. Now I can finally release my excretes.
As I sit on the pot all of the sudden that little mother trucker peeks his head under the stall. I’m yelling at him to get the freak outta there. He leaves for a second and crawls underneath the stall and stands in front of me as I’m pooping. I yell at this kid, “Dude, what are you doing, get outta here!!!!”
Finally after about 15 long awkward seconds, his dad is finally saying that he needs to get out of my stall and they leave.
They finally left and I could defecate in private. And it was glorious.